i am afraid

I am Afraid

By Dimitri Ehrlich

I am afraid
Of being unduly swayed
Of getting hosed, conned, jimmied or played
That the tips of my most crucial wires might be frayed
That my flight’s been delayed
Of the rich and the poor and the just underpaid
I am afraidOf the shit that kids do when they’re in the 9th grade
Of Jonestown, Guyana and the poisoned Koolaid
That the New Yorker’s forgotten the prose of Jamaica Kincaid
Of counties like Cork, Broward and Dade
Of career arcs that sag like that of poor Dennis Quade
I am afraid
Of the dark and the light and the cool dappled shadeI am afraid
Of that mullet-style haircut with the one little braid
Of loans, unemployment, stamps and financial aid
Of child molesting priests and the prayers they prayed
I am afraid
Of Mick Jagger’s daughters, especially Jade
That the gleam in our eyes will inexorably fade
Of mice, rats, and men and the plans that they laid
That if I don’t rinse my glass, I’m drinking a trace of Cascade
That the Normans are rising and about to invade
Of the places in China, where the things made there are madeI am afraid
That I broke up with girlfriends when I ought to have stayed
That I’ll wind up like the Partidge Family manager, Ruben Kincaid
Of Vodka-flavored beer and Mike’s Hard Lemonade
That my old baseball cards won’t sell well or trade
That there are questions of import I will not evade
That I can’t swim or paddle, tread water, or wadeI am afraid
That the trees blocking my view of the forest are really a glade
That I’ll be unable to sleep in the bed that I madeI am afeard
Of a one-eyed Egyptian with a long cleric’s beard
That the data I sent off by fax has been smeared
That I was raised just to front, but not properly reared
That by the time I sit down my place will have been cleared
That my work will be liked--but never revered
That my hedge fund’s been sheared
That my breakfast smelled weirdI am scared
That my plans will be snaredThat my shame will be bared
That the Boy Scouts aren’t really prepared
Of the dirt in my laundry which has yet to be aired
Of the shrink I once went to who just sat there and stared
Of being the last one left standing when the whole world is paired
That I’ll be uncared
Or someone will kill me just because he was dared
I’m scared
Of the secrets I probably shouldn’t have shared
That the damage I’ve done cannot be repaired
That my child won’t be nannied, baby sat or au paired
Scared that I’ll be made chairman and then get unchaired
I’m scared.

o brother, where art thou?

so ive always wanted an older brother. someone who would look out for me, and give me brotherly advice, and teach me about sports, and push me around (ive always been a bit of a masochist like that), and play pranks on me, and make fun of me while i followed him and all of his friends around, and all that normal big brother-little sister stuff. i even remember telling my friends when i was little that i did indeed have an older brother, they had just never met him because he was away at college. i even had a name for him--kirk. kirk pai, lovely, isnt it? well, he was named after the love of my life...kirk cameron.

my friends that do have older brothers complain about how they are always interfering with their lives, and take on a 'father figure' role, constantly telling them what to do, who to be friends with, who not to be friends with, where to go, how to do it, etc etc...sounds good to me =) i want one! someone who just looks out for you, and protects you, and worries about you, and just cares.

anyone know of anyone looking for a little, 24-year old, annoying sister?

"i want somebody who cares
for me passionately
with every thought and
with every breath
someone who'll help me see things In a different light
all the things I detest I will almost like..."

the hair-ror of my ways...

oh the hair-ror...

so yesterday, i got the worst haircut EVER.
worse than the curly tendril helmet haircut debacle - circa 1996 (for those of you that remember way back then).
worse than after the tealight hair fire of 2003 (the smell of burning hair still haunts me)

i said i wanted to keep my long hair - he cut it short
i said i wanted sparse bangs - he cut thick weird asymmetrical bangs
i said i didn't want any feathering - he feathered my entire head
i said stop - he didn't.

am currently on house arrest due to severe trauma to the hair. oh the humanity!

"sweet like candy to my soul
sweet you rock and sweet you roll
lost for you,
i'm so lost
for you..."

lameness...

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	face
best personality trait:	people person/can get along with anyone
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	no
when will you get married?	May 21, 2008
your kiss is:	passionate
People date you because:	you're everything they want in a girl/guy
Quiz created with MemeGen!

setting the record straight...

so i know the only people that read all of this nonsense is me, and the two others that i force to read it by torturing them with interrogation style quizzes at the end of the day about what i wrote about (complete with the bright light shining in their eyes, and the denial of beverages)...but i thought i would take this opportunity to lay some vicious rumors to rest...(though i am a firm believer in sentiment 'there is no such thing as bad publicity' =)

1) i do not have hair extensions (yes, my hair was once curly, and now it is straight - get over it)..it's real.

2) i do not partake, in the, ahem, mary jane (i am actually allergic) - i do sometimes have the attention span of a 3 year old child that someone is jiggling keys in front of, but believe me, that's just my normal A.D.D. self - no supplements involved whatsoever...well, except for the occasional insanely strong breath freshening strip - which i am positive has fried a few brain cells with its freshening power.

3) apparently the infamous story involving freshman year at berkeley, the pants-ing, and it being COLD has circulated beyond the parties involved, and yes, i am 'the roommate'

4) yes, i am the best beach bike rider in the world, and will take out anybody that crosses my path - including senior citizens, men with dreadlocks, low riding gangstas, and small helpless children (wait a minute, i think CQ has got that last one covered...)

5) my jokes are friggin hilarious. stop with the weird looks, and awkward silences. we all know that you are laughing on the inside, don't front.

this has been a public service announcement.

"spend all your time waiting for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction, oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty, and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight..."