'Sup Sup?

the dirty thirty.

2009-10-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

thirty. three. zero. 3.0. how can such a small number cause such a raucous?
of all the things that I thought I would have done, places I would have seen, experiences I would have had, goals I would have reached by now…sitting in a townhouse, by myself, in ohio…a handful of days away from my big three oh…is not at all where I thought I would have been. Im not even sure how I got here….tracking back to the forks in the road where I went left rather than right, would right have also brought be to this point?

Ive always been an unrelenting believer in fate and destiny and that we will somehow end up in the place that we were supposed to be, just somehow – it happens. But how do I know if this is my “end up” or just a stop along the way….ah, please be a stop. Please. Karma is indeed a bitch, but hopefully I haven’t been that big of one to lead me to this…for all of time…

If I kiss you where it's sore
Will you feel better?
Will you feel anything at all
Born like sisters to this world
In a town where blood ties are only blood
If you never say your name out loud to anyone
They can never ever call you by it
You're getting sadder,
And I don't understand,
and I don't understand
But if I kiss you where it's sore Will you feel betterWill you feel anything at all

muse, ak.

2007-11-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

so if it isnt already blatantly obvious, I LOVE music. I may not be as up-to-date on current artists or know about the up-and-comers as I once was, but I do know that silence drives me insane – and music is my cost-effective non-pharmaceutical remedy. I know that if I hear a certain song, it can take me to another time, another place, when I was another person…and for that 3 minute interval, I find myself completely enveloped in that moment, caught in a whirlwind of sights and sounds – 3, 4, 12 years ago. The soundtrack of my life is quite robust, and there is no end in sight…consisting of that hip hop song that we choreographed impromptu dances to, to “our” song, to what was playing in the car when I got my driver’s license, to the song that everytime I hear – I cant help but cry, to the song i will play on my wedding day…

there are different groupings of songs that find their way into the arsenal of my memory bank – those that ignite those memories…and then there are those that ive never heard before, and when I hear for the first time, stop me in my tracks, make me sit down and just listen. most of these tend to be the sad, melancholy songs of love lost and broken hearts…that I somehow always manage to think that the song was written just for me, about my experience, about my heart….unfortunately, more and more, I find myself in that latter situation, hearing those forlorn melodies and thinking that they are speaking to just me…

my most recent obsession, how does she know me?...

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images
I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

breakable...

2007-10-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.
And we are so fragile,

And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.
You fasten my seatbelt because it is the law.
In your two ton death trap I finally saw.

A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret.
Then you drove me to places I'll never forget.
And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

baby it's cold outside

2007-09-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

So the first hint of colder weather has finally arrived. It is slightly overcast, with a wonderful chill in the air. My absolute favorite! Quite contrary to the majority of the population, I love it when the temperature hovers right around 67 degrees. Lovely. It just seems so crisp and clean. I made a cup of coffee and put it in my big blue coffee cup (stolen from my sister), put on my favorite big fuzzy socks, bundled up in my coziest blanket, and curled up on the couch to do some mindless magazine reading. I love those lazy Sundays. After a good fifteen minutes of bliss, reality hit that I have endless mounts of work to do….and could no longer avoid. I hate it when lazy Sundays don’t realize who they are in the day hierarchy…they are never going to be that over-achiever that sits in the front of the class answering every question….they should just realize their place and remain that slacker kid that sits in the back corner falling asleep and drooling. Sometimes we just shouldn’t try to be things we aren’t…

Sad, I better get back to trying to be a Monday.

Lazy Sunday,
Wake up in the late afternoon
Call Parnell just to see how he's doin'
Hello?
What up, Parn!
Yo Samberg, what's crackin'?
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Narnia!
Man it's happ'nin'!
But first, my hunger pangs are stickin' like duct tape.
Let's hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes.
No doubt, that bakery's got all the bomb frostings.
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

until it's gone

2007-09-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

im sure you know the saying “you don’t know what you are missing until it’s gone”….its SO true. There are so many little things that I have taken for granted as just being things that I had come to expect, and now, being denied those things have come to realize how good I had it….

1) toilet seat covers: yeah, they don’t exist in the Midwest…and the time that it takes me to line a seat with layers of charmin before every public usage is taking away time that could be better spent (watching brett michael’s rock of love)
2) having the temperature drop below 97 degrees by 10pm.
3) driving above 60 mph on the freeway (with a speed limit of 55, even that is pushing it)
4) not being able to order sushi and pad thai at a Chinese restaurant: though some people might see that as a benefit of being able to order any kind of asian food at any kind of asian restaurant, I certainly do not
5) people knowing what a pepperoncini is
6) going out for a nice dinner and not ending up at tgi friday's

ahhh, sweet ca, how i miss you...

im leaving, but don't worry i'll be back again,
you're always right here
and you're grieving
but don't hurry to your pack of friends,
I'll stay it's clear,

The one you knew
from your love I grew
into complete and whole
and the way I justify,
it's my way to control love everlasting

boo.

2007-07-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

you know what's the worst? when someone decides that they dont want you anymore, but then they just dont let you go...

book of love

2007-07-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
and instructions for dancing
But I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings

perfect fit

2007-07-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

so i saw this ad for a new tv show, that is about a girl who is either in or is entering a new relationship...she is having lunch with a friend....and her friend says to her "you remember when you found those incredible marc jacobs heels half off at the barney's warehouse sale? execpt they were the wrong size, and you kept trying to jam your foot in them because your pride prevented you from putting them back on the shelf for someone else. well, he's a great looking shoe, that's not in your size. the trouble is that you just dont love him enough, and you dont trust that the universe is going to provide you with the right shoe, in the right size, at the right time. "what a great analogy. think about it, how many times have you been in that shoe store, and discovered the most gorgeous copper leather stilettos, with the most beautiful detailing, with just the right amount of point. you've been looking for this pair of shoes forever. AND they are on sale! you try them on, ever so slowly...and they are a size and a half too small....you buy them anyways just because they are too good to pass up, and you just want them to fit that badly. though you know that everytime you wear them, they are going to cut into your foot a little bit more and scar even that much deeper...you wear them for awhile because they are just that fabulous...but as time goes on, you realize that they are just not worth the pain. how wonderful it would have been if they fit, but no matter how much you wanted them, or how beautiful they are...somethings are just not your size.

i wish i wasnt so fragile
cause i know im not easy to handle
baby please, dont forget you love me
dont forget you love me today.

i dont want to feel like this
but im so tired of missing you
i dont want to beg for your time
i want you mine, all mine.

the countdown

2007-04-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

so im graduating in 12 days. wow. i have no idea where the last 2 years went. i remember last year at this time...being more stressed out than i have ever been with my life, more projects and papers and presentations than i ever thought possible. finals around the corner, food poisoning eating away at my innards, preparing to leave for japan. madness.

its crazy to think that im going to be moving so far away in just a few short weeks. away from my family, my friends, my home. im sad and scared, but at the same time excited to be truly on my own for once. nothing to fall back on but myself.

and im overwhelmingly excited about being a homeowner for the first time. a little piece of land that is mine, all mine:

"So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same..."

defined.

2007-02-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

un·re·quit·ed /ˌʌnrɪˈkwaɪtɪd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uhn-ri-kwahy-tid]
–adjective

1. not returned or reciprocated: unrequited love.
2. not avenged or retaliated: an unrequited wrong.
3. not repaid or satisfied.

"she calls him early because she knows he'll be asleep
she leaves a message after the beep
she says she's better now but she's still incomplete
she's trying hard to make her voice sound soft and sweet

would he, could he been thinking of me all along?
and if faster, would he tell me the truth?
cause it's a long way down when your
hopes are high as mountains
and I am worried that I'm falling for you..."

roots

2006-12-13T17:24:00.000-08:00

so it's finally beginning to hit me...i think i just might be an adult...well almost.

a few weeks back, i went house hunting. it was a surreal experience thinking that i am on the verge of owning something, putting down roots and settling down. though this move is probably going to be the most life altering decision ive ever made...thinking about the fact that i am leaving EVERYTHING behind and heading towards a life that i will be essentially starting over from scratch is frightening, but surprising exhilirating...

here are some of the places that i saw...typically 3 bedrooms. do any stand out as being very "me"?

hits & mrs.

2006-11-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

there has been a subtle shift in the cosmic forces. the majority party in my circle has always been in held in the house of the singles, but as of late, there is a distinct movement of power...to the marrieds. they are taking over, they are everywhere...at the grocery store talking about how we only drink diet dr pepper...or at the movie theater saying how we love borat. now dont get me wrong, im not anti-married...its just a tad weird when you one day realize that all of your friends are suddenly converts. not that everyone has taken the plunge, but there are plenty on the bench (consisting of the serial-engagerers or dating for 4+ years...yup, you're pretty much fully converted).
with all of that being said...we just had padh's bachelorette soiree, though it wasn't quite what we had anticipated (with the botched suite and nearly having our door knocked down by narsty boys at 4 am)...it ended just as it should - with the bachelorette's head in the toilet. mostly, it was really great spending time with my sahelis...so many memories, and its sad thinking that we are losing one to the mrs.conversion...moreover to think that we will not only be separated by 48 states, but by oceans, time zones, and an 18 hour flight...hopefully its not the end of an era, but the beginning of things to come...congrats padh and wishes for all the happiness in the world...

"she thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin'

and poses for pictures that aren't being taken

I loved your grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect

Our love was, comfortable and

so broken in

she's perfect, so flawless

I'm not impressed, I want you back"

breaks my heart...

2006-11-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called

Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my Heart
Breaks my heart
I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind all these words I hear in my mind
All this music

And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my Heart
Breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart

and a very happy happy birfday to mrs booteytang. another wonderful year that she has graced us with her whimsical charms and unparalleled fears of all things mooshy and sticky found under trees.

down and out

2006-10-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like the theme of the last few weeks has been overwhelming disappointment. As I get older, I definitely feel that I get angry less and less and disappointed more and more…which is probably a worse sentiment to have. Having expectations of people that you think you know on a fairly strong level, and then simply being let down. I haven’t quite come to the conclusion of whether it’s better to simply have no expectations of people and being constantly surprised if they do end up coming through or actually placing value on a relationship and thinking that people will reciprocate your value by their follow-through. I’ve always been a big advocate of the “do unto others as you would like done to you” mentality…

But it just seems as though the better/safer route to go is to truly understand the nature of people in your life, and to what degree you can place them within the appropriate segment:

Gold: those that will be there, thick and thin. They will carry your deepest secrets to the grave. You call them when you need to cry. You call them when you need to vent. You call them when the most amazing thing has just happened…and they will be there…always.

Silver: they come in and out of your life. They might not be there for the day to day, but when it comes down to it, they will be there.

Paper: whimsical and inconsistent. they don’t carry much weight in your life. They are helpful every now and then, but for the most part you can go on with or without them.

Lead: those people that constantly let you down. There are some occasions that they serve some purpose, but for the most part you find yourself wondering “what’s the point of carrying this burden?” you find yourself wanting to shed this weight far more than you want to carry it.

Simply being cognizant of the fact that there are different hierarchies of relations and you cant have linear expectations for each, is somewhat enlightening.

That’s my cynicism for the day...

"And we could've been happy.
What a piteous thing,
A hideous thing was tainted by the rest,
But it won't get any harder,
And I hope you'll find your way again. "

2006-10-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

"if you wait too long for the perfect moment...
the perfect moment will pass you by..."

im bringing cinci back.

2006-09-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

long time, no blog. i cant quite pin down what the draw of pouring your heart out to a faceless audience is...but it's a release.

the past: a quick recap? my summer in the nati was amazing, to say the least. i have never enjoyed a work experience as much as i did. learned a tremendous amount, met some tremendously wonderful people and had the opportunity to experience people and places that i would have never otherwise (namely kentucky, and wearers of the anomaly that is the croc sandal).

the present: back in el cuidad de angels. back in school. the sis is now co-habitating my space. busier than i ever thought i would be, why am i not surprised? but i returned with something new - a true sense of priority. i feel like i have a semblance of understanding of what is important to me, and what routes i should take to attain those things - in several respects...

i had dinner with my lovely lalas the other night (long overdue)...and just sitting there, and thinking about what amazing people they each were, and all that they have achieved in their few years. each on the verge of something great...left me nothing short of truly impressed.

i had an interesting conversation last night...left me with quite a bit to reflect on. i dont know why i think the way i think, and why i am difficult for the sake of being difficult. will i forever be this stubborn? i feel that i am very open, but at the same time i am one of the most guarded people i know...which i try to mask with humor and silliness...but when it comes down to it, that wall will always be there. spoke to bombi about this today, her priceless response, "not that you should change your personality or anything, but maybe you should change your personality"

hmmmm, ill try.

"Vanilla smile
And a gorgeous strawberry kiss!
Birds sing we swing
Clouds drift by and everything is like a dream
It's everything I wished"

forget the world...

2006-09-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

more knot tying & sayanora.

2006-05-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

ash & renee - congrats!! fun wedding...does this mean that we cant be friends anymore, because im a girl? that seems to happen to a lot of male friends...post-wedding syndrome: no friends of the opposite sex.
lesson learned - little sis can DEFINITELY out drink me (no contest). punjabi aunties are critics. i heart chocolate fudge fountains. man, i cant believe im days away from the end of my first year of business school - madness! its been a cuh-razy year. blood, sweat and tears.

i head to japan on friday - with 2 weeks of consulting presentations in front of me...then return for a few days to move, and then im off to summer of craziness in cinci. whoa. things are a-changing, and fast....im definitely heading down a different road...a little bit scary, but exciting in the same breath. its not anything tangible, but i definitely feel like a chapter in closing, an end of an era of sorts. for once, i feel all grown up...and im ok with that.

made a lot of great friends this year, a lot of great memories...

"when I'm weak I draw strength from you
and when you're lost I know how to change your mood
and when I'm down you breathe life over me
even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny..."

shaadi schmaadi.

2006-04-05T00:20:00.000-07:00

2006 seems like a wedding-filled year...and i love 'em. i think they are incredibly fun and festive and exciting....they are almost as exciting as game night...

congrats ames & dharmesh!

p.s. lis - shaadi means "marriage" in hindi. so melissa better be in it for the long haul, haha.

"If you love, I could command it, Get your head, to understand it, I'd go twice, around the world, Even though, I may not find it. Oh you, it's always you, It's always you."

red state.

2006-03-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

my new home, doesn't look THAT bad, right?

broken

2006-03-14T09:43:00.000-08:00

i was talking to bombi...and she was telling me about something called the equilibrium theory (if i recall correctly)...and the premise is basically - when things are going well, consistently, for a long period of time - there has to be some horrible event to the balance the forces...and i guess thats what happened with me...things had been going far too right (with the jobs offers and being happy and all) - something just had to go very wrong. and it did...

being a libra (whose symbol is the balance) - things always even out for me...like in that one seinfeld episode - im kind of like 'even steven'. well sort of...

i still cant sleep. wonder when my good thing is going to happen?

"cause I'm broken when I'm open
and I don't feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
and I don't feel right when you're gone away"

the race

2006-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

3 offers, 1 pending. things are good. where to go?

san francisco...my long lost love
city of angels...my soulmate
cincinatti...umm, the long shot?

but recently having been told that my decisions will effect whether a classmate will get their first offer, things are hard. a bit hard to explain the situation - but it's tough. taking yourself out of the race, in the off chance that you might win, so that someone else on your team can have a chance to win, and them winning isn't even a certainty...does that make sense?

ahhhhh. what to do?!

"The new day dawns
And I am practicing my purpose once again
It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win
but if I lose, ooh, I don't know
I'll be tired but
I will turn and I will go
Only guessing 'til I get there then
I'll know
Ohh, I will know"

going buggedy.

2006-02-26T18:44:00.000-08:00

another (semi) exciting weekend in lala land. i finally got an internship offer - praise ganesh! so looks like there is an 80% chance im going to be in san francisco for the summer - yay! hang out with me people. sad to say, it looks like the handful of friends that i have left in the bay are moving elsewhere before the beginning of summer. i better find some craiglist friends fast (joking!).

there was a b-school party on friday...there were dudes there that said that had already graduated. thus we rightly-so assumed that by "graduated", they meant from business school. wrong! they had graduated from undergrad. i think b-dice hooked up with one of them, because apparently he now calls her every 5 seconds. probably because he is not of legal drinking age and needs someone to buy him some beer.

so i have a final tomorrow, and i am studying at my favorite cafe/bakery/b-list celebrity hang out. in the last 2 hours alone - rory gilmore (of the gilmore girls) was here - we proceeded to have a formal, long-winded dialogue, that no normal person would ever have. then there was the guy that is on 7th heaven (mary's boyfriend that has a child) - he had a dog that aamba said was all buggedy-eyed. and last, but not least, the fat guy from king of queens that ordered 2 boston cream pies. i continue to stare at them with my mouth hanging open, getting no studying done whatsoever.

john mayer is almost a yeti.

2006-02-13T22:40:00.000-08:00

john mayer has yeti-esque hair.

the best random thursday night EVAR...having no expectations is awesome. and note to self: never say to to india arie "hey india! we are from india." her response will most likely be, "i can see that". probably because homi said that, and that was her response.

good times...way to stalk, sminal!

ive been hit.

2006-02-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

tagged - im it.

four jobs I've had:
ribbon girl at disneyland
pr biatch
finance something-er-other
market researcher

four movies I can watch over and over:
my best friend's wedding
16 candles
the goonies
cant hardly wait

four places I've lived:
martinez, ga
grand terrace, ca
berkeley, ca
city of angels

four tv shows I love:
lost
the mole
quantum leap
growing pains

four places I've vacationed:
barcelona, spain
new york, new york
phuket, thailand
paris, france

four of my favorite dishes:
thai green curry
indian po-hey
japanese quinta roll
those hot dogs the sell outside of prey at 3 am (but they dont come in a dish, more like a dirty paper napkin)

four sites I visit daily:
pink is the new blog http://trent.blogspot.com/
marshall career center
cnn http://www.cnn.com
gmail http://www.gmail.com

four places I would rather be right now:
tuscany, italy
san francisco, ca
santorini, greece
my bed

five bloggers I'm tagging
special k http://yihaw.blogspot.com/
c.po from the culd-e-sac http://cpotnis.blogspot.com
cheta http://www.xanga.com/shacheta
schmem http://ablogstersramblings.blogspot.com
lisco http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=wutevs_lis

"im surrounded by liars everywhere i turni
m surrounded by imposters everywhere i turn
im surrounded by a identity crisis everywhere i turn
am i the only one to notice?
i can't be the only one who's learned..."

wild horses couldnt drag me away

2006-01-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

we're so over, that we need a new word for over...

"i know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
i have my freedom but I don’t have much time
faith has been broken, tears must be cried
let’s do some living after we die"

sweet home california

2006-01-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

im back! well, ive been back for a week now...and its great to be home...

india, malaysia (the day we were there), and thailand were amazing...lots of pictures and stories to share...it was probably the most exhausting experience ive had...each of us falling ill, and having some serious bodily issues (that still have not left me) were definitely low points of the trip...i wierdly miss sharing major highways with cows, pigs, and goats wearing sweaters and fanny packs...

apparently i met my soulmate in goa...who was a "male model" (as proved by the numerous blurry head shots he showed me in his camera phone).

thanks to padh and vish for an amazing time in thailand...staying at the most beautiful resort, island hopping, eating the most delicious seafood, and spending new years in phuket - was AMAZING. my most romantic encounter was probably spooning an auntie at james bond island in a canoe in the darkest cave ever while being peed on by a bat. good times.

where ive been, where im going...

2005-12-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

summary of last 4 weeks:

studying, studying, and yep, you guessed it...studying
neosporin - yep, all over the forehead
endless stream of vomit, noises coming from my body that scared the be-jesus out of me: welcome to the world of food poisoning. it aint pretty.
planning, or lack of planning, more like worrying...india, thailand, malaysia, hong kong - who knows where else - here we come!
day-dreaming of the moment that i would be able to get more than a consecutive hour of sleep

summary of the next 4 weeks:

24 hours on a plane there, 24 hours on a plane back
exotic people, gorgeous locations, discovery, exploration...
padh getting hitched - like whoa!
praying that i dont get food poisoning...AGAIN
avoiding birds at all costs...bird flu is NOT an option
new years in phuket!

maybe im amazed...

2005-10-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

ahhh, another birthday come and gone. it was a fabulous night, thank you to everyone that made it out to celebrate, called or wrote to say hello...if there is anything that i realize every 21st of october (besides the fact that im old)...is that i have the most AMAZING friends...coupled with the fact that there is absolutely no consistency to my drinking tolerance - sometimes i can have 2 drinks and be completely belligerent - and other nights, such as this - having 10 martinis, 4 shots, and champagne can leave me completely sober. yeah, im a lush...an old lush. lovely.
"maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
you right me when I'm wrong
maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..."

the ex factor

2005-09-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

so, its been quite the topic of conversation amongst my friends lately....friends breaking up with their boyfriends, and them remaining "friends" with them. my stance on that situation is that after breaking up with someone - you cant automatically revert to being friends...because you arent. he is not your friend, he is your ex. there is a distinct difference, and the terms cannot, and should not, be used interchangably. you cant go from having feelings for someone, to all of a sudden not. it just doesnt work like that...and you are no exception.

so here i am, at my second home (school)...minding my own business, doing my 'work'...when i get a text msg, not just a text msg, but a picture message...from the ex. yeah, for a long time we did the whole 'we are friends, sorta'...but i had enough, i couldnt do it...so about a month ago, i stopped talking...stopped emailing...stopped responding...just stopped. i thought that i made it fairly clear that this is what i wanted. (taken with a grain of salt - 'clear' for me - is on the vague side...i can be pretty vague and cryptic and expect people to understand what i mean)...but he is known me for 10 years - so should be able to decode my words pretty easily...

so then why does he continually do this....whats the point? i feel like its for his own safety net to keep me around...a reminder of a different time in his life...id like to venture to say a better time, but that may not be his sentiments about it...i dont want to be that person...that ex gf that is kept around for who knows why. we have never been friends, and i dont think we ever can be...right?

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

beat.

2005-09-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

im running on an average of 2 hours sleep every night. i wake at 6 am every morning. coffee, power bars, and beer have been the only things i have been consuming. school is so much more work, more effort, more energy, more time...just more than i thought it would be. i am so not bringing my 'a' game right now...this is more like a 'c-' game. i must be a massochist for inflicting the pain upon myself.

i miss seeing friends, i miss watching tv, i miss my bed...

p.s. i want a nano ipod. everyone at school has them and are always out and about with their latest gadget, i feel like an outcast and refuse to bust out my walkman with boys II men's greatest hits in the tape deck. b-school is so 4th grade.

black eyed pees

2005-08-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

so...went to street scene this weekend, which is a concert festival in san diego. it was tons of fun - seeing the killers, black eyed peas, snoop, flaming lips, and 311 all in the same venue is pretty amazing...

we were more than exhausted, and though only gone for less then 48 hours, definintely felt like we had gone on vacation to some third world country for a week. excessive standing, coupled with porto-potties will do that to you. anyways, fergie, of the black eyed peas came out looking like ass, nearly an hour late, saying that she had just woken from a nap...peed her pants during her performance. maybe someone phunked with her depends...yuck!

(and yes, i spelled 'pees' like that on purpose)

biscuit aka p.doody

2005-07-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

so ive never been much of a dog person, or a pet person for that matter...there was my short stint as a dog owner from ages 2-4, with our cocker spaniel, fluffy. but that relationship ended when i was oh-so-innocently consuming my lifelong favorite meal - a hot dog. some ketchup had dribbled on to my chin, and fluffy came over to lick it off - and somehow managed to bite me and get his fang lodged in my chin (i dont remember this at all - but i do have the scar to prove it). shortly after was the birth of the little sis - and fluffy was regifted to another family.

my next role as a pet parent came in college with my sea monkeys. as any expectant mother, i counted the days until they hatched...days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months...and there was no visible difference in the murky water. it was not until much later that mars revealed to me that she had accidentally knocked the tank over and refilled it with laundry water. after all, that is what friends are for - killing your pets and then silently laughing at you while you stared at their dirty underwear water for hours at a time.

finally getting to my point...im in love! though we have not met, and i have only seen two pictures...im in love with biscuit...(no, not you soggy biscuit)...mama june's baby boy:

though i am quite sure that once he poops within smelling distance of me, or bites my chin off - whatever comes first, the love affair will be over. also, since i already have one biscuit in my life, i would have to rename him frodo, dumbledore or p.doody (my dog names of choice).

"swallow me then spit me out
for hating you, i blame myself
seeing you it kills me now
no. i dont cry on the outside
anymore..."

toy yoda

2005-07-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

just the look on her face was worth sharing...so tragic.

text reads:
Jodee Berry of Panama City, Fla. sits with her toy Yoda at her lawyer's office Wednesday. Berry, a former Hooters waitress, has sued the restaurant where she worked saying she was promised a new Toyota for winning beer sales contest in April. Berry, 26, believed that she had won a new car, but she was blindfolded, led to the parking lot and presented a toy Yoda, the little green guy from Star Wars.

ch-ch-ch-changes...

2005-07-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

so i start business school in a little over a month. its crazy to think that a month from now my life will be completely different than it is now. im excited to be back in school, but at the same time dread it...thinking back to when i was a senior at berkeley and thinking so strongly - man, i never want to do this again.
but grad school is a different animal, dont get me wrong, i LOVED college, and if i could do it all over again - i think that i probably would. things were just easier then, you know? decisions just had lesser consequences.

i think i am just bored with things, and need a drastic change to shake things up again. maybe ill get a pet...or a baby. yeah, a baby sounds good. whenever i see a cute little baby gurgling somewhere i find myself thinking - i want one of those. maybe ill just borrow one for a while...just play house for a while. for those of you that know where im going with this - dont kill me! i know, i know - its a phase...

i just cant look its killing me
and taking control
jealousy, turning saints into the sea
swimming through sick lullabies
choking on your alibis
but it's just the price I pay
destiny is calling me
open up my eager eyes

yes, im alive.

2005-06-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

where's sonoba?

well, it's been an interesting last few weeks...i feel like i havent really seen or spoken to anyone...

i had my near death experience of lying in that emergency room bed of cedar sinai (with this horrible disease that will not seem to leave my body)...i had a bootleg chemical peel that left me with horrific scabs all over my face (my sister would literally scream every time she saw me)...most recently, i just returned from san francisco. visiting old friends, consuming the beautiful cold and overcast weather, concerts at golden gate park, the 40 mile faux-bike ride with sonoba leaving me sore in all sorts of places, a run-in with one known as 'no neck'...reunions, de-unions, moves away and moves on.

i feel like i have aged 10 years in the last 3 months...

anyways, when in sf, sonoba took me to golden gate park and we walked like 1000 miles, rented a surrey and had to ride it uphill in traffic while cars honked at us because her skirt was flying up and thus there was exposed snatchage going on. we went to the botanical gardens and i made her hide in the giant vine/bush/tree thing and took her picture (above).

what day is it?
and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive
i cant keep up and i cant back down
ive been losing so much time

cause its you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and its you and me and all of the people
and i dont know why, i cant keep my eyes off of you

grown up

2005-06-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

so, on saturday night - had my first grown-up party. thanks to chef grizzly, there were amazing appetizers...everything was demolished, except for the melon and proscutto (which people either just didnt like, or just didnt get)...hosting is damn tiring. im still exhausted and it's now 2 days later. unfortunately, there was an absence of the cranium-a-thon and the mafia deathmatch - largely due to too many people, and confusion of the introduction of the new 'hooker' character...but there was not an absence of drama of all kinds - but hey, what would a party be without crying, screaming, and some alleged fondling in the corner? thanks to everyone that made it out and fought for those entirely too allusive parking spots...had a great time, though hosting doesnt afford you the luxury of talking to many people, or any people for that matter...i dont think i spoke to the same person for over a consecutive minute. that is either the a.d.d. in me, or the monica gheller in me trying to prevent spillage and such. had a blast, hope you did too.

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
It's thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home..."

21

2005-05-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

so the little sis finally turned 21....hallelujah! she is no longer a legal liability. though she was lucky enough to be spared of the wrath of my mother. on the eve of my 21st birthday - called me over 100 times, each time leaving a frantic message...apparently 20/20 had aired a special entitled 'what your kids do when they turn 21 and don't tell you about'...they profiled a kid that had taken 21 shots in 21 minutes and died. perfect timing 20/20, thanks!

soo, friday night chi chi, homi and i arrive at my sister's party/kegger at ucla at nearly 1 am because chi chi was taking his sweet old time getting ready and taking a bubble bath with oils and lavender salts, but i digress....by the time we get there the party has been shut down, and we enter a dark apt with half empty bottles of generic vodka strewn about. we, at the age of 25, being the oldest people there tried to mesh

cheta & her new boyfriend

in well with the youngens...i didnt quite understand what was going on when a girl stumbled over to me and asked me if she could have an extension on her paper...i then understood that she thought i was her t.a. lovely.

anyways, alls well that ends well...she was drunk (as everyone should be on their 21st)...and met someone...he doesnt say much, and has some weird chest hair patterns going on, is kind of on the pale side...but hey, she seems happy...who am i to judge?

welcome to adulthood cheta!

dream sequence

2005-05-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

sooo....i heart this guy from the admit weekend i went to a few weeks ago. i first saw him when i sat in on a lecture...he has these gorgeous eyes, and just the perfect spikey-ness factor to his hair, he was dressed well (a stark contrast to the rest of the schlubs who had rolled into class)...and then i saw his name plate. can we say that his name is f-ugly. well it is. it was like one of those moments on a cheesy sitcom where the person is in the middle of a dream sequence, and then all of a sudden you hear this record scratching and they snap out it...me being the psychotic girl that i am was in the middle of the dream sequence with the harp music in the background, just about to say 'i do', and seeing his name was like running into a pole. and that's when i stopped heart-ing him. yes, i am that shallow.

and today i was looking at some documents from the school, he is one of the people that runs new admit programs, so his bio was there, with his phone number, and where he lives (a 2 min walk from my apt)...coincidence? i think not...perhaps i was destined to stalk him. who am i to fight fate? some friends have already volunteered to sit in the bushes outside his place with me...well, as long as they understand that "let's have dinner tomorrow night" actually means "i am going to force you to hang outside a stranger's window while i duck in the bushes." it's on!

i would post his picture at this point...since you know that i googled him (that goes without saying)...but maybe that would be going too far. soy loca.

"Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna, come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know

Singin’, come out upon my seas
Curse missed opportunities
Am I, a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease "

the grizzly bear

2005-05-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

Rewind to 1997 - it was my senior year of high school and the seemingly one hit wonder, the cardigans, had their song 'lovefool' playing endlessly on the radio. some girlfriends and i get tickets to the la concert. since it's general admission, we get there really early and wait in line for hours. the hot topic of discussion was the upcoming sadie hawkins dance and who we were all going to ask. surprisingly, i couldnt think of any one to ask (this is surprising because i cant recall a millisecond in hs that i didnt have a crush on someone)...the girls convince me to ask our friend grizzly because we were good friends and they were positive that he didnt already have a date.

though we were just friends, i thought i would do something cute/special to relay the invitation. i made a puzzle, asking the question "will you go to sadies with me?" placed all the pieces in a cute tin and wrapped it in the "good wrapping paper"...i had bombi come over that night and pick it up - so that she could hand deliver it to grizzly's house. i wait at home, expecting the phone call with an eager 'Yes!' response. that phone call never came. i got tired of waiting and called him...

me: ummmm, so did you get the puzzle?
he: yeah, thanks
me: ummm, ok?
he: yeah, so, i dont think so
me: oh. ok. bye. click

i go to school the next day and yell at the girls for telling me to ask him. i dont think he ended up going with anyone, and i think i got over it pretty quickly. so here we are, 8 years later...he's one of my bestest friends in life, claims to not remember that infamous sadie hawkins puzzle debacle (liar!), out and proud, and one of the greatest people i know. the will to my grace, the hand clutch to my WHY?!, the one that will come over and straighten my mane with a curling iron strand by strand when my flat iron breaks. love you, grizzly...happy birthday!

"love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
i know that you need me
i can't care about anything but you..."

success

2005-05-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson--

disturbed

2005-05-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

so i think i might have just had the most disturbing conversation ive ever had. someone that i really havent spoken to in over a year lets me know that he is going to be in town for the weekend. he continues on to say some things that i was really taken aback by. the reason that we havent spoken in so long is largely due to me, which i have felt guilty about ever since. so i dont know if i should take what he said lightly because i was initially in the wrong, and just let it go...or if i should be really angry about it. im not really sure where all of that came from, im actually still a bit shocked. man, i hate stupid drama...

"still a little bit of your song in my ears
till a little bit of your words I long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that I can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall"

cross over

2005-04-12T14:28:00.000-07:00

thanks mandy =)

http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf

Click on link then click on blue circle. Use the rules below. This is going to do your head in, but it can be done. I've worked it out. For those of you who are not going to even understand the rules (you know who you are) get someone to explain them to you.

Apparently this is an IQ test given to job applicants in Japan:

"Everybody has to cross the river".
The following rules apply:
Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence.
The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence
The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft

To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
To move the people click on them.
To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

club sandwiches? nice.

2005-04-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

That's NOT hot.

deal breakers

2005-03-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

deal breakers:

1) referring to himself in the third person (someone named joe saying 'joe doesnt like chick flicks')
2) gnarly teeth (excessively yellow, fangs, gold, missing - or any combination thereof)
3) plucked eyebrows (if they are thinner or have a cleaner arch then me - it's a no go)
4) using 'your' and 'you're' interchangeably (if it's an accident, sure i understand - but thinking it's one word is NOT ok)
5) needs a babysitter (you're an adult - go, talk, mingle - im not going to hand hold the entire night)
6) weak handshake (this is a personal pet peeve, if your handshake is like a dead fish in your hand - clammy, with no movement - yuck)
7) using facial hair as artwork (no need for shapes, intricate designs, sentences, mission statements)
8) being a girly man (sure, i like it when guys are sensitive sometimes, but if you cry more than i do or have more candles than me - game over)
9) forgetting my birthday (it's one day a year, and doesn't change - it's manageable)
10) and the end all be all - if it is dark, and i am alone - you are walking me to my car, end of story.

The nights are so lonely and the days pass me by
True love has faded, left me behind
So we'll just move along and stop wasting time
It's over all over now

i dont know your name

2005-03-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

friday night- ended up getting pretty wasted from one drink (roomie pours a STIFF drink).
then ended up at urth cafe, where we were sat a table away from one of the dudes from duran duran...well not really, but he possessed all the components of being in an 80's band: he was old, had weird processed hair, was sitting alone chain smoking, and had that cu-razy look in his eyes while he shot us dirty looks. came home, and saw a note posted by on the apt door stating that there is going to be a movie filming on the neighboring streets and not to be alarmed by the sound of gunshots. (make mental note: remember to adorn ghetto garb and go for a walk, as to be an inadvertent extra in the film). got into bed and passed out - but was awoken by multiple drunken phone calls from a boy that i had (not-so-wisely) given my phone number to the weekend before, tricking me by calling from a blocked number.

saturday had dinner with the family. then went on to an outdoor shopping area near my apt. took my mom to the art gallery that jerry (the rejected bachelor from 'the bachelorette' works). he came out, and i got flustered and ran away, my mom stayed there and stared at him - her comment being 'he was much more hot on tv'. my response - 'please never use the word 'hot' again'. 50-year-olds moms should just not be saying that. then saw johnny knoxville (of jackass fame) at the farmers market. i tell you, these random la celebrity sighting almost make all the traffic worth it (keyword: almost).

fast forward to sunday: pretty much doing nothing exciting, talk to aamba and decide to go to the getty to appreciate the beautiful weather. this is the day of the LA marathon, and my apt is on route, the 16 mile mark. but it was nearly 2 pm and it should have been over for a few hours by then - apparently not. if you think la traffic is bad - you haven't seen anything. cars lined up for hours with the end result being a dead end having to wait in another line to get out. a complete mess. a lady walking by literally handed me one of those cups of water that the joggers drink when they are running. so the hours pass - and i notice a car behind me that seems to be attempting the same routes as i. finally we hit a clear stretch, and aforementioned car pulls next to me and rolls down window. i look over, and am blinded by ginormous mole on driver's cheek. i speed up, driver again pulls next to me and says "where are you going?" i am befuddled by big brown leather jacket that driver is wearing inside his car when it is 90 degrees out. i switch lanes. minutes pass, and i kick myself for passing judgment on this guy so quickly. i think to myself, "wait a min, he was good looking! why did i do that?!" i guess my initial reaction of 'what kind of weirdo does something like that' overcame. i am always complaining how i never meet new people, perhaps it is because of opportunities like this that i let pass me by. perhaps i have to start talking to people in traffic. what if this guy was "the one". and i drove away. he could have that big-ass mole lasered off. i could have burned that hideous jacket when he wasn't looking. coulda, woulda, shoulda. story of my life.

"and even though the moment passed me by
i still can't turn away
cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
got tossed along the way
and letters that you never meant to send
get lost or thrown away
and i won't tell 'em your name..."

...mostly because i dont know it.

the itch

2005-03-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

im back from my short blogless hiatus...my new passion is botany - yes, im a nerd. ive painted all these pots to begin my apt herbal garden. my roommate must think that i am such a freak - every time she comes home, there is some new random plant somewhere. oh well...she'll get over it.

im suffering from a very severe case of the traveling itch. i feel like i havent been on a real trip if forever (vegas and san diego definitely dont count)...i think that i should probably save up all of my vacation time so that i can do a big trip in december - india or greece. but i dont know if i can hold out that long - im going stir-crazy here. bombi, padh and i have been talking about going to greece for such a long time, but i havent been to india in so long, ahhh, what to do? just cant wait to go somewhere and have amazing food and get lost in another language.

"i am covered in skin
no one gets to come in
pull me out from inside
i am folded
and unfolded and unfolding
i am colorblind
coffee black and egg white
pull me out from inside
i am ready
i am fine"

wishing on a star

2005-02-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

i asked the stars and the sky above, why everyone but me?
i wondered why everyone else has someone,
where is the star for me?
when i look upon this crazy world,
and i wonder what I'll find.
i think of what i am longing for,
was right before my eyes.

and everytime i close my eyes,
i see you in my mind.
everything i was looking for,
has been there all the time.

and so i wonder to myself,
what am I to do?
a solitary juliet,
never complete without you.
here i am alone,
wondering where you are.
i know you are out there somewhere,
wishing on a star.

and no, i dont want any wine with my cheese.
happy belated valentines...

when?

2005-02-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

say you are walking along a road somewhere, and you come across this rock. there is nothing in particular that makes this rock different from the other rocks, but for some reason, you pick it up and take it with you. you are drawn to it - there is just something special about it. other people will look at it, think it's junk and tell you to cast it aside, but you don't. you take on the added weight...polish it everyday. you just know that there is a diamond in there somewhere. you carry it with you for years, and clean it down to be something better than it was the day you found it. the more you work on it, the less hope you have for finding that beauty inside. where is it already? maybe you were just wrong all along...maybe it's not a diamond in the rough after all...just another dirty rock.

all that time spent in vain. when do you know to give up and cast it back onto the road?

"there's nothing left to try
there's no place left to hide
there's no greater power than the power of good-bye
there's nothing left to lose
there's no more heart to bruise..."

maximum occupancy

2005-01-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

so i've been blog hopping a bit lately - and i have to say - it will never cease to amaze me how many great people there are out there - witty, articulate, strong...and how many times i've stopped and thought to myself - 'man, this person is a complete stranger on the other side of the country - and i know EXACTLY how they feel.'...it's just great.

question: why is it that the older we get, the less friends we make? are we just set with the friends that we already have and don't feel the need to go out and add to that circle? do we have a maximum occupancy of how many we can have in our lives? it's just strange - i cant remember the last time that i made a new friend - maybe college was the last time...there are the permanent fixtures that you know aren't going anywhere - the ones that have left you better off. on the flip side, i've had my share of turbulent friendships - some of which have faded away - others which remain pungent to eat away at me. perhaps it would take the extinction of these to make room for others that will inevitably be more fruitful. but then i think to myself - 'ahh, i don't want to start all over again - my friends know me, we have history, they know the quirks and idiosyncrasies, i don't want to have to 'court' new ones...' but how far can history take you? sure we shared some laughs, but, hey - i can laugh with other people. so there will be a slight downturn in 'remember that time when...' stories, but hey, i can get over that.
thoughts? share.

"There isn't much I haven't shared
With you along the road
And through it all there'd always be
Tomorrow's episode
Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning the great divide
Ask no questions, take no side
Who's to say who's right or wrong
Whose course is braver run
Still we are, have always been
Will ever be as one..."

100 things

2005-01-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

100 things about me

1. i hate eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms and black olives
2. i love asparagus, green olives, kiwi, kettle corn and mangos
3. i would like to go to greece in the very near future
4. i cannot sit in silence - i have to be talking, have music or the tv on
5. i am the oldest child and my parents like my sister better than me
6. i am very bossy sometimes
7. when i am very angry i become very terse and cold
8. i get chills that shake my body
9. i have freckles
10. one of the best gifts i have ever gotten was a mixed cd of my favorite songs
11. i prefer dark chocolate to milk
12. i hate white chocolate
13. i have a staring problem
14. i have had 2 emotional breakdowns in my life.
15. both happened within the last 6 months.
16. i like sad movies that make me cry
17. i hate jim carrey and freddie prinz jr (see item 64)
18. i bite my nails
19. i am nocturnal
20. i like to make lists
21. it takes a lot to make me really angry
22. i have been told that i have a scary temper
23. i like to sing
24. i think my mom is really smart
25. i hate having curly hair
26. i love having my hair straight and long
27. i dont drink enough water
28. i love pear scented candles
29. i love furniture shopping
30. i am a know-it-all and a backseat driver
31. i love terms of endearment
32. i love going to weddings - they make me happy
33. in college i wanted to start an acapella group
34. no one would join my group
35. i used to live in georgia
36. we used to have a dog named fluffy
37. i am a klutz
38. ive broken my nose, arms, fingers, legs
39. i have battle scars (aka scars from falling down for no reason)
40. i used to crush a lot
41. i dont anymore
42. i think i might have given up on the best thing that ever happened to me
43. i make a lot of mistakes
44. i dance in my car
45. i am not a good driver
46. i dont know how to play poker
47. i have never seen Casablanca, Top Gun or Pulp Fiction
48. i forgive, but i dont forget...ever
49. i can stay mad at girls way longer than i can at boys
50. i love going to concerts
51. ive never been taken on a picnic
52. i love calla lilies, orchids and peach roses
54. i had a band when i was in 3rd grade
55. i was the lead singer, of course
56. my favorite cartoon is Jem
57. i like to argue
58. i exaggerate to make a story better
59. i hate being lied to
60. i love playing board games
61. i am REALLY competitive
62. i have a lot of regrets
63. i was an extra in a freddie prinz jr movie
64. he cursed at me and is now my nemesis
65. i like to paint
66. most of my work is crap
67. i dont have any tattoos, but have 6 piercings
68. i became a different person in college
69. i iron my towels
70. i get road rage
71. i cant be in the car without the radio on
72. i feel guilty when i make my sister upset
73. i have a very acute sense of smell
74. sarah mclauchlan can make me cry
75. i think that i have been hurt more than most
76. i feel that very few people really know me well
77. i am very loyal
78. i love the rain
79. i like being cold
80. i never get enough sleep
81. i think i am the sappiest person i know
82. i daydream 60% of the day
83. i love it when someone gives you their coat
84. only two other people have ever driven my car
85. i wish i had a thicker skin
86. i am a jealous person
87. i was in a singing contest at a fair, and lost
88. i think i seem like an open book, but i am actually very private
89. i think the worst feeling is disappointment
90. i trust very few people
91. i have been swept off my feet
92. i am not easily impressed
93. i wish i was more spontaneous
94. i am looking forward to motherhood
95. i think britney spears is gross.
96. i didnt know how to light a match until college
97. i have fainted once in my life - when i was 16 and volunteering in the maternity ward of a hospital
98. i wish i was more religious than i am
99. i get frustrated with people that dont think like me
100. writing this list gave me carpal tunnel

jumped.

2005-01-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

first and foremost - happy belated new years all! two-thousand-friggin-five. dayam.

new years is my favorite time of year...it usually is a really great time - i cant recall ever not having a GREAT new years eve celebration - and this year was no exception...had SOOO much fun. there was debauchery in excess, the exchange of beads, tears, laughter, flowing libations, stalkers - all the ingredients for mayhem.

one of my life long quests was finally achieved. no not that. i was in a cat fight - well actually - i was jumped.
rewind to 11:30pm december 31st - we had been drinking, and you know how the story goes - i HAD to use the restroom - i simply could not wait any longer. padh and bomb warn me that the line is 2 miles long and that there is no way that i would make it back to the club for the countdown. i decide to take my chances. i run to the restroom - and see that there is literally 2 miles long full of drunken girls. i decide to take matters into my own hands and cut the entire line. yes, yes, i know this is wrong, and i wouldnt normally do such a thing - but i was drunk, wasnt thinking straight, and HAD to go. so there i am standing there in front, minding my own business, when i hear someone from behind yell - 'where did YOU come from?!' - i ignore the comment. i hear again 'where'd the bitch in the weave come from?!' (note - i dont have a weave!)...i felt someone's hand on my shoulder - i turn and see that there are 4 scary girls with black lip liner, crunchy hair, and acrylic nails (you know the type) staring at me...at this point i am slightly frightened (by slightly, i mean - if i wasnt doing those kegals - i probably would have gone right then and there)...i stand firm and say 'i was here' - black-lip liner girls says 'see that girl in the green in front of you? ive been behind her for an hour and a half, biatch'...i repeat, 'ummm, i was here'. here begins the fight - someone pulled my hair - HARD. my neck does this weird whip lash thing, someone had stomped on my foot. i begin flailing about. i think i managed to get a slap somewhere in there, and continue to flail about. i see that a stall has opened up - i stomp on someone's foot, release myself and run into the stall. i hear them outside still calling me profanities. i attempt to call for backup - alas, no reception (damn you sprint!). i go. and wait - for fear that they are waiting outside - i open the door slightly and take a peek - coast is clear. i haul ass back to the club - i have never run in heels before - and i was fast.

i return to the club and tell padh and bomb that i was just jumped - we are distracted by the countdown (i think? - this point is a blur) and all is forgotten...until the next day - when i take a shower and discover the severe neck pains and missing chunks of hair. lovely. i discover an acrylic nail (not mine) in my jacket pocket - perhaps i was saving it as a souvenir? yuck. what happens in vegas, stays in vegas - apparently except for hair loss, bruising, whip lash, and other people's nails in your pocket.

ahh, what a great night.

and a very special dedication...

"so who's to worry
if our hearts get torn
when that hurt gets thrown
don't you know this life goes on
and won't you kiss me
on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ain't this life so sweet

this year's love had better last..."

he said no

2004-12-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

a girl asked a boy if she was pretty...
he said no.
she asked him if he wanted to be with her forever...
he said no.
she asked him if he would cry if she walked away...
he said no.
she went to leave
as she walked away, he grabbed her arm and asked her to stay.
he said you're not pretty, you're beautiful.
i don't want to be with you forever, i NEED to be with you forever,
and i wouldnt cry if you walked away...i would die.

romantic or the cheesiest thing you've ever heard?

"give a little bit
give a little bit of your love to me
give a little bit
i’ll give a little bit of my love to you
there’s so much that we need to share
so send a smile and show you care..."

Soundtrack of my life...

2004-12-16T14:43:00.000-08:00

Favorite Karaoke Song To Sing: "Stay" Lisa Loeb
Song I Most Often Sing In The Shower: "On My Own" Les Miserables
Song My Mom Told Me To Stop Singing Because I Was A Suburban 13 Year-Old Indian Girl: "Gangsta's Paradise" Coolio
First Song I Knew All The Words To As a Kid: "I Think We're Alone Now" Tiffany & EVERY Debbie Gibson song
Song That I Would Quote for No Reason in HS: "Killing Me Softly" Fugees
Song I Would Have My Husband Sing to Me at Our Wedding: "She's Got a Way" Billy Joel
Song I Think I Sound Really Good Singing: "What a Girl Wants" Christina Aguilera
Song Lyrics I Yell Out When Extremely Drunk: "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai"
Song I Love Singing More Than Anything Else: "Part of Your World" Little Mermaid
Song I Constantly Sang To College BF: "Somebody" Depeche Mode
Song I Would Sing on BF's voicemail: "Groovy Kind of Love" Phil Collins
Song I Would Sing And Dance To In College While Getting Ready To Go Out: "Only You" 112, "Freaks of the Industry" Kottonmouth Kings
Song That Can Make Me Cry: "Angel" Sarah Mclaughlin
Song That I Can Rap the Entire Way Through: "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems" B.I.G.
Album I Sing Along To, Every Word To Every Single Song: Sarah Mclaughlin Adia
Song I Sang In Front of My Mom That Led To An Awkward Sexual Discussion As A Kid: "Let's Talk About Sex" Salt & Peppa

pay me, wb

2004-12-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

im really bad with boys. they are most definitely from mars, or make it pluto - because its farther. i dont know what they are thinking or why they do what they do or say what they say. even worse are those boys that know me, and know how to push my buttons and make me upset for their own pleasure. my constant neurosis doesnt help much, but adds fuel to the fire. i always put myself in these asinine situations, where i am basically just asking for it. it, being trouble (just wanted to clarify).

on another note...i am felicity of the not-so-widely acclaimed wb series 'felicity'. our lives seem to parallel one another. here are some reasons why:
1) both of our names have a 'y' in it
2) we were both raised in ca
3) both of our parents wanted us to be doctors
4) both of us would prefer to paint
5) both of our first relationships were with dorky guys that like computers
6) both of us have (had) the crazy curly hair
7) both of us loved the mickey mouse club (she was on it, i watched it)
8) both of us had 'incidents' in college where our parents were going to make us transfer to a school closer to home
9) there are other similarities that i cannot get into due to self-incrimination

damn, its like a chronicle of my life. i think i deserve some sort of monetary compensation for them using my life for show material.

p.s. for your viewing pleasure:

http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/5367/mjs_fave_things01.swf

"Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm
Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm
So, tell me how long
Before the last one?
And tell me how long
Before the right one?"

<3

2004-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

if you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking...

i cant take my eyes off of you.

addicted...

2004-12-07T14:03:00.000-08:00

ad·dic·tion (a-dkshn): n.
Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.
The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

i have a problem. im obsessed. im addicted. i thought to myself, ill try it just once and then walk away - just to see what it was all about. but it's not that easy, it never is. everyone else was doing it. they were having so much fun, and would always talk about the good stuff they had gotten. i tried to abstain for the longest time, and for a really long time i was successful - not getting caught up in that lifestyle. but recently my temptation got the better of me, and now i just cant stop. it's such a rush, such a high. ive become different - jumpy and edgy...the first step is asking for help. i think i need help.

yes, it's true. it's all true. im addicted to e-bay.

i bid on bizarre items that i don't need - just for the thrill of pushing the button, get into bidding wars with perfect strangers, ive become a hermit. endless hours have been consumed by the monster that is e-bay. free me from this self-induced misery!

"Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?"

happiness is...

2004-12-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

happiness is...

*hearing that one certain song on the radio just as you are about to get out of the car - and sit there and listen to it until the end
*someone mentioning something that you told them years ago - and you think to yourself wow, i cant believe they remember that
*getting a letter in the mail, a REAL handwritten letter - not email!
*overhearing someone say something nice about you
*being in that hug that you just dont want to end
*laughing so hard that you cry and getting that pain in your stomach that hurts so good
*putting on those warm, fuzzy socks on a cold night
*water shows at the grove while the lighted trees twinkle in the background
*getting butterflies in your stomach

apologies to those that have had to suffer through the sudden influx of my sappy/sentimental mood as of late - some of you know the reasoning behind that. yes, i cried when i heard that ken jennings lost on jeopardy. yes, i cried when i saw the trailer for closer with that one song that goes 'and so it is...i cant take my eyes of you'. yes, i cried when i got so frustrated that the paint wouldnt mix to be the color that i wanted it to be and it turned into a poo brown. but i think that i'm all cried out now, ive snapped out of it. thank you for your patience =).

p.s. happy bday special k! can you believe it was over 7 years ago that we met on the steps of tau house?

"And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky"

violated...

2004-12-01T13:58:00.000-08:00

i was violated yesterday. there i was, innocently going about my business, working hard as usual...and i get this email from chi chi that is completely inappropriate. he had constructed an animated version of himself to see what he would look like if he was mexican and scantily clad. it was completely unsolicited. its not like i sent him a link to the website (http://www.myvirtualmodel.com) and told him to send me his creation or anything sordid like that. oh my innocence has been ripped from me, having been forced to look at animated naked mexican versions of chi chi and all.

chi chi chavez
*because i still feel a bit shaken from this assault, there will be no lyrical allusion today...please take a moment of silence

giving thanks...

2004-11-29T14:53:00.000-08:00

slightly belated...

reasons to give thanks:
-family, though at times dysfunctional, quirky, a bit off, and all mine...
-friends that i may not have spoken to in years that i can call and talk to for hours...
-friends that i speak to daily that i can call and harass for hours...
-the absence of the infamous curry turkey this year...hallelujah!
-that voice that drives me insane...
-grizzly and chubacca back within arms reach...
-not breaking a single bone this year, well not yet (knock on wood!) - does the ankle sprain in chi-town count?
-dingu didn't kill or injure bella on the short excursion, though i think i suffered a mild heart-attack
-my klutzy/clumsy tendencies seem to be slowly subsiding, well with the exception of the spilled coffee today, and the elevator slip yesterday, and the...ok nevermind this one
-that he doesn't hate me (that much) anymore...
-dove came out with a dark chocolate
-all of those amc points finally paid off - free ticket! (non-special engagements only - which leaves me with 'christmas with the kranks')

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway..."

those november nights...

2004-11-23T16:39:00.001-08:00

weekend update:
it all began friday evening with a spectacular dinner date with grizzly...we had drinks at my apt (which involved me breaking containers, leaving large chunks of meat on the kitchen floor, and serving an ice cube with an insect frozen on it)...then proceeded to the restaurant (where we were seated at a table between an old couple that was obviously having an affair, seeing as how they kept making out, and on the other side were 2 girls celebrating one of their bdays). the dinner was absolutely lovely (besides the fact that the girl next to us kept making googly eyes at grizzly and invited him to her bday party - while i sat there - how rude!)
we went on to the hollywood canteen to celebrate ames's birthday - upon arrival we see that there is a traffic jam of escalades and hoopties right in front and a long line of people that seem to be auditioning for a rap video. we get in line and the list woman has a breakdown and starts yelling - she throws grizzly an entrance ticket - we take it and run. inside we learn that BAG is in attendance (BAG = brian austin green, of 90210 and more recently the twilight zone) - coincidence? i think not.
saturday was padh's bday - we surprised her with the penn masala concert. we blindfolded her and unveiled her to see a lot of indian people. she was confused.
chi chi brought a pair of his underwear (the largest pair of white briefs ever created) and we wrote seductive things on it along with a phone number, and when the concert ended threw them on stage. a masalaman picked them up. aamba - you should be expecting some phone calls anytime now. we went on to a lovely dinner, and as the party moved on to the bar - i had to remain behind due to the fact that i was banned from that establishment due to the antics of soggy biscuit & co...
i would continue on with this post - but my fingers have frozen over because it is 2 degrees in my office. must stop now....

"Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too"

misplaced spittle...

2004-11-18T16:14:00.000-08:00

cruel intentions...

chi-town was great! thank you to bomb & lisco for being such wonderful hosts. apologies go out to the neighbors that i awoke with my 5 am antics and to the roommates that may have slipped and twisted their ankles on any misplaced spittle...
highs: seeing my breathe in the air, scarf appropriate weather, my first sake bombs, seeing bomb nearly bite it head first into a puddle, h&m, good times with good friends
lows: seeing my dinner on the floor, losing the sake bomb challenge, not seeing a single member of the g-unit
weirds: homeless people with laptops that have wireless internet

so this forthcoming weekend will be the culmination of a quest of mine that has endured nearly 10 years.
i cannot divulge the nature of this quest because it is a surprise for another party involved. also, i like being secretive for no reason at all. the next 48 hours will consist of nothing but practice and meditation in preparation for the event.
and no, a hummer limo is not involved.

"na tum jaa no na hum..."

in the zone

2004-11-10T15:42:00.000-08:00

do you ever have those days where you just think to yourself what the heck is going on?!. like you're caught in some weird episode of the twilight zone. bizarre things keep happening. and you just feel eerie. imagine having an entire week like that.

sunday: possibly attributed to delirium - i had just dropped off my sister at ucla and get back to my apt at 11pm to finish up some work for the next day. i take a quick shower to wake myself up. i sit on my bed with the paperwork (which happens to be some data for Disney). i'm about 10 minutes into it and i faintly hear "a whole new world" playing somewhere off in the distance. i look across to the mirror and it is steamed up, except for the very distinct shape of the mickey mouse ears...wtf.

monday: i get back to my apt fairly late at night, and hear the sounds of a helicopter circling outside (this is a fairly normal occurrence in my area) - so i ignore it and expect it to go away. it continues on for the next 3 hours. a search light keeps scouring and every 15 seconds comes into my bedroom. lovely. annoyed beyond belief - i eventually pass out. the next morning - someone tells me that the drugstore across the street had been in a hold up - there was a swat team with riffles posted outside and the street had been barricaded off. lucky i didnt go out on the balcony - could have been caught in the line of fire.

tuesday: get home from the gym. cant feel my legs. take shower and put on lovely, new white night gown. look out the window and see pretty crescent moon. decide to go out on balcony. open sliding glass door, walk quickly out. screen door is closed - walk hard into it, bounce off and fall backwards onto floor. screen door gets knocked off hinge, falls onto balcony rail and topples over to fall the 3 flights down to the street. i look down and my now not so lovely, no longer white night gown is covering in soot. go down to street to pick up screen door before it gets run over by a car. carry it back up to apt in the elevator. man in elevator looks at me covered in dirt, carrying screen door and says "looks like a good story..." i respond "shove it".
3 am - cannot fall asleep - turn on tv to find twilight zone playing on channel 9 - this episode staring brian austin green (aka david silver of 90210) - who knew that they still made these?

wednesday: i dont know what's going to happen tonight. but i am scared.

"Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm"

gracias...

2004-10-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

the best quarter life celebration a girl could ask for...

the bungalow club surprise party:
http://supriya.myphotoalbum.com/view_album.php?set_albumName=Supriyas-Surprise-Birthday&page=1

"Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
when I'm in the mood
to lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside"

25 years

2004-10-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

rewind to october 21, 1997: my 18th birthday.
it was my freshman year at berkeley, my first birthday away from home. i wake up in my dorm room to the phone ringing - it was my uncle from new jersey calling to wish me a happy birthday, i listen to him talk, as my mind wanders and i think to myself cool, this day is going to be great, filled with phone calls from friends across the country, i can walk the 2 miles to the 7-11 and buy a lotto ticket then see a rated-R movie, and everyone will be super nice to me, yay!...i look outside - and it's pouring rain, which doesn't bother me because i love the rain. i stare at my roommate fast asleep - eager for her to wake up and wish me a happy birthday - she is one of my best friends from high school - of course she knows it ' s my birthday. her alarm goes off, she slaps it off and groggily says 'hey...its raining." - uhhhh...is that all you have to say to me? - i think to myself.

i open the door to the hallway - and just outside the door sits a pumpkin with balloons attached - from my parents and sister. i get ready for class and put on my fanciest outfit - i am an adult now after all. i had several classes with friends that also went to high school - so they of course would remember. wrong. the hours passed - not a single well wish. as the day got longer, my mood got more sour. i cant believe that none of my 'friends' remembered. by the end of the day, i was in a horrible mood. my last class, english 1b, was with a group of my friends/floor mates - and we always walked back to the dorm together for dinner. i walk off pretty quickly from the group and one of the girls say "sup, you look nice today - why are you so dressed up?" i snap back "it's my friggin birthday!" and storm off. (this behavior, at that time, was pretty out of character for me - i was a VERY happy person usually) i go to my room and sulk on my bed thinking about how my friends suck and how i wish i was back at home...

a series of knocks come at the door - most of which are soft and demure, reluctant to enter the wrath that is my temper (which when pushed to the limits can be pretty brutal, as most of you know =)...my friends enter the room - mostly in pairs, bearing presents, and cards, and cake...everyone piles into the room...as they recount the fact that they had planned for a surprise gathering of everyone that night - but because they thought that i was about to kill myself - they were forced to call an emergency gathering hours before the original time - and asked that everyone haul ass over to my place because i was having a breakdown. everyone came, it was perfect. my boyfriend at the time, came and we went on a walk through campus at the end of the night - and it ended in what is nothing less than 'typical supriya behavior' - me tripping on some twig, falling down - with blood running down my leg...him looking down at me, saying "what have i gotten myself in to..."

yes, i am a HUGE spaz at birthdays - most of you know that - as many of you have been shot the look of death when not remembering the correct date. everyone deserves to have the best birthday - it's their excuse to be spoiled and loved, right?
ok, this is the longest blog entry EVER. but in closing - thank you - it's been a wonderful day and it's only noon. love you.
p.s. dingu: thanks for the beautiful flowers!

"I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there,
they'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad
and I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life..."

perfection

2004-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

ok, so i havent really felt this way in quite a long time...it may just be an infatuation, a fleeting obsession, but i think it's more than that...i'm in LOVE! dark, and lovely, and filled with pure warmth. just the perfect amount of sweetness, just the memories bring a smile to my face...i havent experienced something quite as amazing in...i dont even know how long. just the thought that you were destinted to cross paths - made for each other. you know that feeling that you get in the bottom of your stomach?...a mixture of that nervous anticipation along with that eager excitement of knowing that you are just about to feel something magical...it's simply unreal...

the dark chocolate rasberry lava cake with vanilla bean ice cream. OH MY GOD. perfection personified.

"there is freedom within,
there is freedom without
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
there's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
but you'll never see the end of the road
while you're traveling with me..."

tastes like chicken

2004-10-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

someone (bk queen) sent this to me a long time ago, but i came across it again, and still think it's a freak show:

http://www.subservientchicken.com/

my love, seen...

2004-10-04T13:11:00.000-07:00

is this love? actually...

i am a sap. i love the concept of fairy tale endings, happily ever after, 'the one', love in unlikely places, destiny...but is that all they are--concepts? i am enamored by all of these romantic movies, with their beautiful people, quotable sayings, grandeous gestures to profess their love.

lately, it has just seemed that everyone's relationships are just not what they appear to be. marriages are ending. the perfect couples are breaking up. what's going on? is there something in the water?

ive been told time and time again that my expectations of what is supposed to happen, and how someone is supposed to feel are not realistic, that it simply doesnt happen that way in real life. i think ive been lucky enough to have a few of those 'sweep you off your feet' moments, albeit without the happily ever after (obviously). hopefully my frequent viewing of every movie julia roberts has ever made (minus erin brockovich) hasnt skewed my perceptions too far from reality...

"Open your eyes
I see
Your eyes are open
Wear no disguise for me
Come into the open
When it's cold outside
Am I here in vain?
Hold on to the night
There will be no shame..."

things that make me go 'huh?'

2004-09-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

some things ill never understand:

1) people that put on makeup and do their hair to go to the gym
2) those frozen hot dogs that were filled with liquid cheese (the mere thought of them
makes me shudder)
3) charlise theron in 'monster' (like whoa)
4) people that dont get how freakin hilarious my jokes are
5) blind faith
6) the popularity of WWF
7) how people can sit through a jim carrey movie
8) if gw gets re-elected
9) ozzie osbourne speaking english

"Como quisiera
poder vivir sin aire
como quisiera calmar mi afliccion
como quisiera poder vivir sin agua
me encantaria robar tu corazon"

girl talk

2004-09-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

cat fights. ive never been in one, but have secretly always wanted to participate. is that strange? so yesterday, after a long day of beach bike riding (a full 30 minutes)...we were having 'girl-talk'...about the possibility of being in a fight in the near future because someone may want to 'mess me up'...anyways, that's an entirely different story...so it turns out that they all have wanted to be in a cat fight. im not the only one! and since none of us ever has, but has always wanted to, we decided that we are going to instigate a fight, and all participate. a rough sketch of the plan of action:

1) go to a club (or some other place where there is a plethora of annoying girls)
2) dress in clothes that could double as weapons - ie. stiletto heals, pointy earrings.
3) hone in on a girl that looks like she will fight back (someone with crunchy hair (lots of gel), or with black lip liner)
4) this girl should not be with a lot of friends that look like they 'have her back'
5) instigate by either hitting on her boyfriend, or saying that she looks 'fat in those jeans'

if i am seen with a black eye or a chunk of hair missing in the near future, you will know why.

"would you dance if I asked you to dance?
would you run and never look back?
would you cry if you saw me crying?"

the anti-trust

2004-09-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

Trust: (trust) n. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
Reliance on something in the future; hope.

trust. it's a strong word, and a word that's been on my mind quite a bit for the last few days. though sometimes i can be pretty immature, attempt to start prank wars every other day, think it my sole purpose in life to make up non-existent words and try to get the masses to incorporate them into their vocabulary...i think im a trustworthy person. i would not question my loyalty to my friends and everyone i care about, and my word is gold (i would NEVER give my word to someone, and then not abide by that word)...for someone to tell me that they are doubting their capability to trust me, is like a dagger through the heart (not to sound dramatic, but it is). i cannot stop thinking about it. break my heart, why dontcha?
im sad =(

ok, now that is off my chest, Solaris has been added my list of 'id rather listen to william hung's greatest hits while being force fed 45 pounds of goat cheese than watch this movie again'. it is placed there along with johnny pnemonic, boys and girls or any freddie prinz jr movie for that matter, and beetlejuice.

"Sitting here thinkin bout yesterday
About what we did and how we used to play
Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face
That's how it makes me feel to see you everyday"

2004-09-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

im just a giver, and felt compelled to share the wealth. you're welcome.

http://www.garageworksltd.com/HowToCwalk.htm

summer lovin'

2004-09-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

summer '04 has come...and gone.
wow, that was a blur, wasn't it?

highs: beach biking, strangers becoming friends, not-so-strangers becoming friends, seeing mary corleone get shot, bonfires, late night walks, changes, concerts, concerts, concerts, ghosts of the past becoming tangibles of the present, my brief engagement, mafia, hazy nights, all night talks, that inch-away-face...

lows: this damn 4-month long bronchitis, missing the fireworks, the haircut from hell, hazy nights, living without cable, realizing the unattainable is unattainable for a reason...

"summer days are gone too soon,
you shoot the moon and miss completely,
and you're left to face the gloom
the empty room once smelled so sweetly
of all the flowers you plucked
if only you knew the reason
why you had to each be lonely
was it just the season?

now the fall is here again
you cant begin to give in, its all over
when the snow has come rolling through
rolling to some new lover
will you think of times you told me
that you knew the reason
why we had to each be lonely
it was just the season..."

come on down!

2004-09-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

so i went to the taping of the gameshow "price is right" today.
no. i did not come on down
no. i did not get show off my skills of being able to guess the price of a gold plated banjo.
no. i did not win a year's supply of gold bond medicated foot cream.

the price is wrong.
i am far too ethnic.
my name is far too hard to pronounce.
my nose is far too pierced.

on another note - i still coming off the high of being able to go to 3 concerts in 3 consecutive days - the cure, kanye west/usher, and phil collins farewell tour...thank you padh marie and jaba for taking me to those - nothing short of amazing to see some of the best muscians live...so awesome...

I AM 14% ASSHOLE/BITCH!

I am not an asshole or a bitch, more like an asshole and bitch target. I have no backbone, and fold at even a slightly insincere look. I need to stop crying, I am such a wuss.

Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

"whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am home again whnever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am whole again
whenever i'm alone with you you make me feel
like i am young again whenever i'm alone with
you you make me feel like i am fun again"

i am afraid

2004-08-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

I am Afraid

By Dimitri Ehrlich

I am afraid
Of being unduly swayed
Of getting hosed, conned, jimmied or played
That the tips of my most crucial wires might be frayed
That my flight’s been delayed
Of the rich and the poor and the just underpaid
I am afraidOf the shit that kids do when they’re in the 9th grade
Of Jonestown, Guyana and the poisoned Koolaid
That the New Yorker’s forgotten the prose of Jamaica Kincaid
Of counties like Cork, Broward and Dade
Of career arcs that sag like that of poor Dennis Quade
I am afraid
Of the dark and the light and the cool dappled shadeI am afraid
Of that mullet-style haircut with the one little braid
Of loans, unemployment, stamps and financial aid
Of child molesting priests and the prayers they prayed
I am afraid
Of Mick Jagger’s daughters, especially Jade
That the gleam in our eyes will inexorably fade
Of mice, rats, and men and the plans that they laid
That if I don’t rinse my glass, I’m drinking a trace of Cascade
That the Normans are rising and about to invade
Of the places in China, where the things made there are madeI am afraid
That I broke up with girlfriends when I ought to have stayed
That I’ll wind up like the Partidge Family manager, Ruben Kincaid
Of Vodka-flavored beer and Mike’s Hard Lemonade
That my old baseball cards won’t sell well or trade
That there are questions of import I will not evade
That I can’t swim or paddle, tread water, or wadeI am afraid
That the trees blocking my view of the forest are really a glade
That I’ll be unable to sleep in the bed that I madeI am afeard
Of a one-eyed Egyptian with a long cleric’s beard
That the data I sent off by fax has been smeared
That I was raised just to front, but not properly reared
That by the time I sit down my place will have been cleared
That my work will be liked--but never revered
That my hedge fund’s been sheared
That my breakfast smelled weirdI am scared
That my plans will be snaredThat my shame will be bared
That the Boy Scouts aren’t really prepared
Of the dirt in my laundry which has yet to be aired
Of the shrink I once went to who just sat there and stared
Of being the last one left standing when the whole world is paired
That I’ll be uncared
Or someone will kill me just because he was dared
I’m scared
Of the secrets I probably shouldn’t have shared
That the damage I’ve done cannot be repaired
That my child won’t be nannied, baby sat or au paired
Scared that I’ll be made chairman and then get unchaired
I’m scared.

o brother, where art thou?

2004-08-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

so ive always wanted an older brother. someone who would look out for me, and give me brotherly advice, and teach me about sports, and push me around (ive always been a bit of a masochist like that), and play pranks on me, and make fun of me while i followed him and all of his friends around, and all that normal big brother-little sister stuff. i even remember telling my friends when i was little that i did indeed have an older brother, they had just never met him because he was away at college. i even had a name for him--kirk. kirk pai, lovely, isnt it? well, he was named after the love of my life...kirk cameron.

my friends that do have older brothers complain about how they are always interfering with their lives, and take on a 'father figure' role, constantly telling them what to do, who to be friends with, who not to be friends with, where to go, how to do it, etc etc...sounds good to me =) i want one! someone who just looks out for you, and protects you, and worries about you, and just cares.

anyone know of anyone looking for a little, 24-year old, annoying sister?

"i want somebody who cares
for me passionately
with every thought and
with every breath
someone who'll help me see things In a different light
all the things I detest I will almost like..."

the hair-ror of my ways...

2004-08-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

oh the hair-ror...

so yesterday, i got the worst haircut EVER.
worse than the curly tendril helmet haircut debacle - circa 1996 (for those of you that remember way back then).
worse than after the tealight hair fire of 2003 (the smell of burning hair still haunts me)

i said i wanted to keep my long hair - he cut it short
i said i wanted sparse bangs - he cut thick weird asymmetrical bangs
i said i didn't want any feathering - he feathered my entire head
i said stop - he didn't.

am currently on house arrest due to severe trauma to the hair. oh the humanity!

"sweet like candy to my soul
sweet you rock and sweet you roll
lost for you,
i'm so lost
for you..."

lameness...

2004-08-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	face
best personality trait:	people person/can get along with anyone
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	no
when will you get married?	May 21, 2008
your kiss is:	passionate
People date you because:	you're everything they want in a girl/guy

Quiz created with MemeGen!

setting the record straight...

2004-08-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

so i know the only people that read all of this nonsense is me, and the two others that i force to read it by torturing them with interrogation style quizzes at the end of the day about what i wrote about (complete with the bright light shining in their eyes, and the denial of beverages)...but i thought i would take this opportunity to lay some vicious rumors to rest...(though i am a firm believer in sentiment 'there is no such thing as bad publicity' =)

1) i do not have hair extensions (yes, my hair was once curly, and now it is straight - get over it)..it's real.

2) i do not partake, in the, ahem, mary jane (i am actually allergic) - i do sometimes have the attention span of a 3 year old child that someone is jiggling keys in front of, but believe me, that's just my normal A.D.D. self - no supplements involved whatsoever...well, except for the occasional insanely strong breath freshening strip - which i am positive has fried a few brain cells with its freshening power.

3) apparently the infamous story involving freshman year at berkeley, the pants-ing, and it being COLD has circulated beyond the parties involved, and yes, i am 'the roommate'

4) yes, i am the best beach bike rider in the world, and will take out anybody that crosses my path - including senior citizens, men with dreadlocks, low riding gangstas, and small helpless children (wait a minute, i think CQ has got that last one covered...)

5) my jokes are friggin hilarious. stop with the weird looks, and awkward silences. we all know that you are laughing on the inside, don't front.

this has been a public service announcement.

"spend all your time waiting for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction, oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty, and weightless and maybe
i'll find some peace tonight..."

endangered species?

2004-07-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

is chivalry dead? so being a woman of the new millennium (well, sort of...) id like to think that im independent, and strong, and capable, and all that jazz...and don't have the need for those antiquated notions that our male counterparts must continue to do all of those chivalrous/masculine things that they were once expected to do...but i do.
when i was younger, and really didn't have exposure to many things, when a boy did things like held the door open, or led you through a crowd (rather than making you go first), offering their coat or sweater when its cold...i would think to myself 'wow, that's really nice, what a good guy...' but now, being older and i don't if im all that much wiser, it's come to be expected...i don't know if ill notice if a guy will hold the door open anymore, but i definitely seem to notice if he doesn't...on the scale of things, id say that i fall a bit more on the traditional side, and though it shouldn't make a difference whatsoever, those little things resonate in my head...maybe ive been spoiled by my male friends, that are overtly concerned and do all those little things that i have come to take for granted, (i.e.. walking you to your car, carrying whatever you may have in your hands, having you walk on the inside part of the sidewalk), and i don't really give it a second thought anymore. but it surprises me what an impact those types of things have. for example, when i come across a new guy - friend, coworker, grocery store bagger, whatever - they get placed into two separate categories: those that i would want to set up with my friends, and those i would not. the guy could be perfectly nice, funny, good looking, whatever, but if he lacks that fundamental 'female nuturing' attribute, i almost automatically categorize him as 'one of those guys'...i don't think it's a learned attribute, they either have it or they don't...and i think it mostly resides in those guys who have older sisters (now that's a gross generalization, but for the large majority, i think that it rings true)...its second nature for some guys, and girls, those with that innate characteristic are definitely keepers...some may say, "ahh, that doesn't matter!"...having experienced both extremes on the spectrum, trust me, it matters.

"Did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.
We're one, but we're not the same.
Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again."

c.po from the cul-de-sac

2004-07-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

per special request: chi chi & homi chillin' in the dikhi, bff (c.po - you owe me for this plug)

champagne wishes

2004-07-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

it was CQ's (Corona Queen) birthday this weekend...and i think im pretty accurate in the statement that by the end of the night 95% of the people that came were just DRUNK...the remaining 5% that was sober consisted of, well, me...
-CQ does not remember anything that occurred beyond the first 5 minutes of arrival
-Soggy Biscuit was serenading a group of male strangers on the street with "You've lost that LOVELY feeling" while gyrating towards no one in particular
-Padh fell down the staircase, while the crowd outside watched...how she made it through without a concussion, im not quite sure
-Bombi vowed never to go out with us again

sigh, now that's some quality time spent with friends...

i know, i know, there is no resemblance whatsoever...someone's got to be adopted.

the hand motions have already begun - drunkeness stage: amber alert

i don't know why CQ isn't in a single picture, ahhh, she's probably passed out in the gutter already

why are these blurry? CQ must be taking them after her 11th shot...

bff: chi chi & homi

"I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain about my wounded heart
Just wait till tomorrow
I guess that's what they all say
Just before they fall apart..."

they're hung.

2004-07-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

They're hung.

living in berkeley, you would see shoes hanging from telephone wires everywhere. it was common. i never really knew what they were there for, and always just assumed that it was the result of drunken debauchery - some kid getting wasted, taking off their shoes, tossing them over the telephone line, thinking it was funny, walking home barefoot, and then wondering a week later why they have that strange fungal growth on their big toe. but due to recent discussions, i have been enlightened by some other explanations of what these hanging shoes represent:

1) it is representative of a drug dealer's 'turf' - once they have found a good spot, this is how they mark their territory

2) it is gang related, and represents someone that has just been initiated into a crew (first order of business - jack someone's air force ones)

3) it's a symbol of someone's deflowering - yes, they've just done it for the first time, and they want to share their joy with the world by tossing their vans out the window

what does all of this mean? the truth is out there.

"Eyes wide open always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone that comes along.
Crooked little smile on her face tells a tale of grace
That's all her own.
Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong and she's all alone..."

a rose by any other name never smelled as sweet...

2004-07-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

nicknames.
they are the best! i love calling someone something, that no one else really understands the meaning behind. it's your own private little joke, that you can smile about every time you say it. it doesn't have to make complete sense, or mean all that much, but it's special, and it's yours.

i have different groups of friends that call me different things, and tho i might complain about how ugly the name is or that im embarrased that i sometimes turn around when i hear someone yell out 'short bus!' (not that i hear that being yelled out all that often). i might not express it all the time, but nicknames, i love you, and though some of you are played with more often, i love you all just the same.

random act of nonsense: i recently moved into a new apartment (yay!), and along with that comes the normal moving, putting up decorations, putting together lamps - here lies the problem. me and electronics are not the best of friends. a few weeks ago, i was attempting to assemble one of those lantern lamps that hangs from the ceiling, my friend had constructed a make-shift switch that connected to the wires inside the chord (thanks for nuthin, chubaca!=), following me? well, some of the wires had emerged from the chord and were just sticking out. it was nighttime, so i had the wires close up to my face so that i could see them properly. i plugged in the light, the wires somehow caught fire, and sparks were flying off of it...i felt heat on my face, but i was quite proud of the fact that i didnt scream and diffused the situation quite calmly. Later that night, im getting ready to go out, look in the mirror, and noticed that half of my eyebrow has singed off. i touched it and what was formerly my eyebrow hair, fell to the counter in the form of ash. i was horrified. well, i picked up the pieces of my life (or in this case, my eyebrow) and moved on. now, my eyebrow hair has been growing back - but it is coming in at a weird direction...is it possible to have brow cowlicks? i can answer that - yes! i dont know how much longer i can pull off these aaliyah-inspired bangs that cover half my face, it's beginning to effect my vision. The worst part - this is not the first time i have burned a part of myself, or the second, or the third...

"I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me, I promise you, I promise you I will..."

hi, i'm supriya, and i am an e-mauler.

2004-07-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

so, for some reason, a reason unbeknownst to me, i always seem to be on the tail end of things. everyone seems to like something, or be doing something really fun or cool...i see it, i hear about it, im just not interested in it...weeks, months, years pass, and then all of a sudden, i think to myself hey, i want to do that too! everyone, by this point, is pretty much over it, but i just now think that it's the best thing ever...perhaps it's because of my non-committal tendencies, perhaps i am anti-trend, and like to think that i am somewhat the non-conformist type, when in all actuality i am a conformist - but just extremely late.

ok, that preface may not make much sense, but it is all in reference to the fact that i have now joined the ranks of the online ramblers, i think i was pushed to the brink simply because:

a) i tend to like to talk a lot
b) i like to write
c) i am an e-mauler at work, and ill be a martyr and spare my friends the wrath that is my rambling emails.
d) i have a physical diary that i havent seen/written in since college - i cant find it. i think my dad has it. wonderful. and knowing him, he has probably discovered this site already. hi dad!
e) this is my attempt at rage against the machine (the machine, being work, because we have restricted access to most sites, so when i come across something accessible that is remotely interesting i devour it...)

"they love to tell you, stay inside the lines...but something's better on the other side..."